Monday, October 27, 2008

Fake Snot

I will never admit to my students that I would consider making fake snot. It is gross. It's disgusting. It's the kind of thing that some man, who in his youth, spent hours trying to perfect the formula for fake vomit might enjoy. I am not that man. I am above that kind of thing.

When I mentioned the possibility of making fake snot to my wife because I thought she might find it entertaining, she gave me a look of incredulity and said, "Why on earth would anyone want to make snot?"

Taking the Devil Advocate's position I said, "Because it's Halloween and maybe a person might have it oozing out of their pumpkin or use it to gross out your, errrrr their eighty year old mother." I thought for a minute longer and added, "And because it would be fun. Don't ya think?"

She said, "NO" and glared at me with that look that pretty much says "You are not the man I married. You are a doppelganger put in his place at some point to torment me and possibly cause the end of the world as we know it. I could not ever, not possibly ever, have married a man who behaves the way you do. Get thee back evil doppelganger!!"

I needed to get her mind off those doppelganger thoughts and said, "Honey I wouldn't ever make fake snot. I am just doing research for my blog. The people. The Blog-o-lites demand to know these kind of things."

"There is something wrong with those Blog-o-lites. The first being, who would call themselves Blog-o-lites. And, two, what kind of nut job wants to make fake snot?"

"Blog-o-lites is the official name of people who read blogs. It's better than Blogerines or Blogos which were the runners up in the official "What do we call ourselves" contest last year." I shrugged my shoulders. "They're my people and look to me for guidance."

"That doesn't excuse these snotty obsessions! Besides why would I make snot when I could just use raw egg white. Isn't that snot-like enough?"

"That's brilliant. Just brilliant. But wouldn't you run the chance of getting salmonella?"

"When you play with snot, fake or otherwise, you just have to take your chances."

The conversation ended with me going to the kitchen to crack a few eggs... For breakfast.

Anyway, if you are one of those "nut jobs" who might want to make fake snot here is a recipe. My favorite line in the directions is the last one that reads:

5. Wash your hands after playing with your snot.

Good advice for all of us. Happy Halloween!

[via Boing Boing]
[Image: Captured from "How to make fake snot":]

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